Like most Victoria’s Secret missions, last night’s Victoria’s Secret Live: Very Sexy for Spring 2012 at Highline Studios in New York was very pink—and strict! “Everyone must use the restroom now, you won’t be able to use them after entering the studio,” a team of security guards hastily warbled as we piled into the venue’s industrial lobby. The night was planned down to the slightest detail as a hefty portion of the brand’s 18 million Facebook fans tuned in to hear from the statuesque likes of Miranda Kerr and Erin Heatherton, along with VS friends including nutritionist Oz Garcia and exercise guru Carrie Rezabek Dorr. Part of the pleasing (appeasing?), apparently, was cordoning off media from the bathroom, requiring audience members to go yogi in the sense that they were to place themselves in an entranced VS-state-of-mind. This was not for the faint of heart, or for the kind of person who enjoys wearing black—this was to be a thoroughly ‘sexy’ experience.
“When we signal, you need to applaud loudly—loud enough to combat all of the porn that people are watching on the side,” the show’s director instructed as a cameraman smoked an electronic cigarette nearby. It was to be the grittiest dialogue we’d hear for an hour, as the conversation that followed resembled table side chit chat at a power girls’ Sunday brunch. We learned how to firm our gluts with barre exercises and how to cleanse our kitchens of toxins, replacing them with ‘super foods’ instead—information delivered from a glittering bubblegum set.
The broadcast’s highest points came from taped segments, in which Adriana Lima delivered unintentionally hilarious deadpans like, “You can really see the jungle through this bikini,” and “Anything that sparkles, I love it.” We also learned that Miranda Kerr is now a certified nutritionist, and that she is also a certified author (?) after penning a healthy-lifestyle book titled, Treasure Yourself, that for some reason is fetching over $1,500 on Amazon. “I think it’s incredible and it’s a wonderful opportunity for people to get to know more about Victoria’s Secret on a more intimate level,” Kerr said of the online broadcast after the taping had finished.
And with Erin Heatherton present, it was hard not to ask about her tumultuous and recently-controversial love affair with almond butter. ”We were actually going to use my segment to talk about different ways to eat almond butter,” she giggled, “I was making a joke, and sometimes they’re not always quotable. The sad thing is that I never meant to alienate almond butter because its so stinkin’ good.” And there you have it.